wishy washy...

I don't know if it is mean, the relationships I get in, or a bit of both. When H left I shut down, and shut out some people. There was one person I consistantly talked to, but the relationship is getting harder and harder.

It's hard for someone to understand what it's like to be a single parent, when they've not experienced it. That is just the truth. You are responsible for doing everything on your own, from working, to taking care of the baby, to grocery shopping, and maintaing a home. I'm exhausted personally. Not to mention I'm still not over the emotional aspect of being divorced and single, and everything that has come along with it.

Now on top of all of that, I don't currently have my own transportation, nor do I know anyone other then our m-f babysitter and my mother. So going out to do things has been nearly impossible. I borrow my moms car when I can, but it's not often, and it's usually not for long since she may have plans!

All of these things have been weighing on our relationship and it's become so frustrating that I'm just ready to give up. Yet the idea of that makes me sad. I care about this friend, and I don't want to be friendless.

Which leads me to not feeling like I'm good enough for anyone. I guess in some part I'm not considering I am so unhappy with myself. It is hard to stay positive, but I am trying hard to do so!

Letting nature take its course can be so hard, and yet sometimes we have no say in it. I hope I don't lose this friendship forever, and at the same time, I'm so tired of trying to cater to everyone else....Why is it all so complicated?!

Tomorrow starts a new week, and I'm so ready for it!