Chloe and I went to visit my dad and family this weekend! It was nice to be out of the house and have something to do. We spent all day saturday shopping, for the first time in ages, and sunday we went to Churchhill downs, my first time ever!
Lots of fun, and things to do, kept my mind off of things. Only, when we visited my grandma at the nursing home, I saw our wedding invitation in a frame on the wall, with a prom picture of us in the corner....I lost it. It's days like Mother's Day, or Chloe's upcoming birthday that make me HATE him. I want to badly to be over him, I just can't seem to find the way to get there 100%. I don't want to hate him, I don't want to love him anymore, I just want to NOT CARE! I want to be so over him, that I don't notice the small stupid things, that he still feels as though he has to lie to me about. How do I get there?!
On another note, it is Mama Monday! Sticking with putting me after Chloe, and not at the bottom of the list, I was able to buy myself some much needed clothes! It's been a while since I've bought clothes...the last time was maternity clothes, and lets face it, no one wants to be wearing them when their 'baby' is turning 1! It's easier to feel good about yourself, when your wearing something cuter then sweatpants and a tshirt. If the truth be told, when he was still around, I was so comfortable that I didn't care. I didn't feel as though I needed to be impressing anyone, when I guess I should have been trying to make sure he was still impressed. HAHA.
When I started this blog, I never thought I would actually keep it up, and even less then that, did I think that people would actually read it. Now as my ticker nears 800, I wonder who is reading my blog and why. Not that it's a bad thing, but I am just 'little' ole' me typing my thoughts and feelings down and yet somehow people maybe all accross the world, lol, are reading it. So, if you would be so kind as to leave a comment, anything that you want to leave, even if it's anonymous, I would love to know why your reading, or what your favorite color is!
Happy later Mother's Day to all of the other mamas!!!
And because I'm random, I'm going to start leaving with a random opinion. Random opinion for tonight...mens razors are 10x better then womens, I think him for leaving a new razor with 2 razorblades behind. LOL
Monday, May 10, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
I think I can, I think I can...WAIT
I know I can, I know I can!!
The days seem to be getting busier and busier, and less about him. I do miss him, I do think about him, but it is SO much easier!
I can survive this, we will survive this! For a while now, I've been in a state of mind where I can't see myself with him, but I can't see myself with anyone else...some days I think if I could just find a friends with benefits, I could survive being single forever. LOL ::wink, wink, nudge nudge:: In all seriousness, I am finally OKAY with it.
With all of that, I have decided today is going to be dubbed *Mama Monday*. Before we got married, I put my friends and family first. Then we got married and it was him and the house first, followed by family and friends. It's never been about ME. Now of course, It's not all about me, but I am second, instead of LAST. If I don't make it about me, who will?!
Chloe will always come first, what she needs, and then of course what I want for her, since she's too young to want for herself. Lol. Then it will be about me! Every week, I am going to do something for me, whether it is going to the movies, or reading a book, or getting a pedicure.
May brings lost of adventures, mother's day, then Chloe's 1st Birthday in which I will be a total crying mess for, then my birthday!! For mother's day, I'm hoping to get myself a tattoo that will represent Chloe. For my birthday, I've decided I want a bike, and a seat to attach to it, so that Chloe can ride with me.
When he left, I knew I wouldn't want to get into another relationship while feeling the way I do about myself. So,I've finally gotten serious about losing weight, and in the last two weeks I've lost 5lbs...it's not a lot, but it's a start! I've changed my eating habits, though I still crave my sweets! I've been walking with Chloe when the weather is nice, and hoping to go on those bike rides!
Since this post is *mama monday*, I will tell you what I've been doing for myself lately. I've gotten highlights, and a new haircut. I bought myself a ring that says 'keep on loving'. It took me a while to find a ring that was 'just right' but I knew when he left that I wanted something to 'replace' my wedding rings. I've been enjoying my candles, walks, my time with chloe, and feeling HUMAN again!!
Almost 5 months now...I never imagined I would be where I'm at, and I'm looking forward to where I will be 5 months from now!
The days seem to be getting busier and busier, and less about him. I do miss him, I do think about him, but it is SO much easier!
I can survive this, we will survive this! For a while now, I've been in a state of mind where I can't see myself with him, but I can't see myself with anyone else...some days I think if I could just find a friends with benefits, I could survive being single forever. LOL ::wink, wink, nudge nudge:: In all seriousness, I am finally OKAY with it.
With all of that, I have decided today is going to be dubbed *Mama Monday*. Before we got married, I put my friends and family first. Then we got married and it was him and the house first, followed by family and friends. It's never been about ME. Now of course, It's not all about me, but I am second, instead of LAST. If I don't make it about me, who will?!
Chloe will always come first, what she needs, and then of course what I want for her, since she's too young to want for herself. Lol. Then it will be about me! Every week, I am going to do something for me, whether it is going to the movies, or reading a book, or getting a pedicure.
May brings lost of adventures, mother's day, then Chloe's 1st Birthday in which I will be a total crying mess for, then my birthday!! For mother's day, I'm hoping to get myself a tattoo that will represent Chloe. For my birthday, I've decided I want a bike, and a seat to attach to it, so that Chloe can ride with me.
When he left, I knew I wouldn't want to get into another relationship while feeling the way I do about myself. So,I've finally gotten serious about losing weight, and in the last two weeks I've lost 5lbs...it's not a lot, but it's a start! I've changed my eating habits, though I still crave my sweets! I've been walking with Chloe when the weather is nice, and hoping to go on those bike rides!
Since this post is *mama monday*, I will tell you what I've been doing for myself lately. I've gotten highlights, and a new haircut. I bought myself a ring that says 'keep on loving'. It took me a while to find a ring that was 'just right' but I knew when he left that I wanted something to 'replace' my wedding rings. I've been enjoying my candles, walks, my time with chloe, and feeling HUMAN again!!
Almost 5 months now...I never imagined I would be where I'm at, and I'm looking forward to where I will be 5 months from now!
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