Self esteem or the lack thereof...

I have never had very good self esteem. I became overweight as a 4th grader.

Needless to say, I'm 22 soon to be 23 and still overweight. It is hard not to wonder what part this had in our divorce. When he left, I was 60lbs heavier then I was in high school when we first met. I was uncomfortable with myself in high school...can you imagine how I felt 4 months ago, at my heaviest!

The first two weeks that he left I lost 12lbs. He has been gone, almost 4 months and I've only lost 2 more. How rediculous! I want so badly to do this. Mainly for myself and the ability to chase chloe around and play all of the things that she wants to play. I don't want to be the fat mom sitting on the side too embarrassed to stand up and cheer their child on!

So today, I came home from work, cleaned, worked out, and took a bath. I decided since I had no clean clothes, I would wear the one and only skirt I have that fits. When He arrived to drop off Chloe he did a double take to see what exactly I was wearing...such a small detail, but it made me feel great!!! One day I want him to pick up Chloe and have to do 3, 4, 5 glances because I have changed so much! I'm so tired of being the fat girl.

I want to feel cute and comfortable and be able to buy the cute clothes! I want to be able to walk around with a guy and be happy, smiling, cheerful and not wondering what every.single.person is thinking about me as I walk by.

I deserve this, but only I can make the changes...and I'm finally ready to commit!